Inspiration

When you are walking in a dark place, where there is nothing you can see or have a clue where you're heading to - a torch light would help, wouldn't it?

I call that inspiration. 

A source of light that provides you a sense of direction. It may or may not point you towards the right path, because where you are heading lies within the decisions you make. But the torch light lets you see clearly where you're going. And it will stay with you - it wouldn't decide to suddenly stop working just because you took a path the torch light did not like. Would it? :)

A year back, everything was bleak for me. I was so sure I wouldn't make it through the next one year alive. I am not weak - I just didn't see the purpose why I should even be alive. When life goes out of plan, most of us surrender. When you're older, it gets much tougher to change things around you and start over - most things are almost settled down and in my case, I've settled down at a much younger age. It was difficult and no one really understood the struggle I was against at. 

"The hardest part of the ending, is starting again." - Waiting for the End, Linkin Park.

I was walking in the dark with no sense of belonging and purpose. From the outside I knew I looked fine. For everyone. But from the inside, I knew that wasn't the case. The worst part? I didn't even know my problem was the loss of purpose in my life until my friend came along and pointed to me - find yourself back. She was right, I had to find myself back but how?

I needed inspiration and encouragement, and a jolt of motivation. With my best friend's help, I saw a light pointing me to a direction, picked up pace and built my confidence. But to move on further in life, you need more than that. I needed more than that. 

There has to be a solid pillar, that I can hold on to and feel safe. And at times, it turns into a torch light that stays with me showing me the way when I needed it.

I am lucky to have found my torch light.

Essence of Bhagavad Gita

"Whatever happened, happened for the good; whatever is happening, is happening for the good; whatever will happen, will also happen for the good only. You need not have any regrets for the past. You need not worry for the future."

"What did you lose that you cry about? What did you bring with you, which you think you have lost? What did you produce, which you think got destroyed? You did not bring anything - whatever you have, you received from here. Whatever you have given, you have given only here. Whatever you took, you took from God. Whatever you gave, you gave to him. You came empty handed, you will leave empty handed. What is yours today, belonged to someone else yesterday, and will belong to someone else the day after tomorrow. You are mistakenly enjoying the thought that this is yours. It is this false happiness that is the cause of your sorrows."

"Change is the law of the universe. What you think of as death, is indeed life. In one instance you can be a millionaire, and in the other instance you can be steeped in poverty. Yours and mine, big and small - erase these ideas from your mind. Then everything is yours and you belong to everyone."

"This body is not yours, neither are you of the body. The body is made of fire, water, air, earth and ether, and will disappear into these elements. But the soul is permanent - so who are you?"

"Dedicate your being to God. He is the one to be ultimately relied upon. Those who know of his support are forever free from fear, worry and sorrow."

The week kicks off...

... with me falling sick.

I hate it when my body refuses to follow my commands and insists I should follow its own demands instead. What is it demanding now?

Sleep.

Lots and lots of it.

Covered with a nice thick comforter. It's just so freaking cold. Sheesh.

A letter

I remember the time when you had to go to US and leave me here, alone, for two weeks. It felt terrible.

Sending you off at the airport, I held on to you so tight. Our friends left us to give us some time alone. And I remember I cried. I just don't know how I could be away from you for so long. And I knew, you felt the same too. I remember you were wearing the shirt I bought you. You loved that shirt, so much.

The moment you walked away, I was already missing you. And I stood there, for a good 5 minutes.

I stayed awake almost 24 hours, just wanting to make sure you arrived safely. You called me along the way, emailed me, and kept me updated during your stops. For the first time, I had to wake up not having you beside me. I had to eat alone, go to work alone. It was really awful.

I'd stay awake every night, just to chat with you. Each time you appeared on the video call, I would cry. I knew you'll be back soon. I remember you were telling it was really cold and the sound of the train passing by shocked you on your first day there. You had your lunch at Hard Rock cafe and sent me a picture. My favorite picture of all time.

As days passed, I realized how much you have impacted my life that it felt lifeless without you. There were times I would be too tired to stay awake. When that happens, you often watch me fall asleep in front you. I was counting the days to be with you again. At that time, I knew you'd be back. The date and the time - it was recorded in my brain.

One day, as I opened my email, you sent me a link for a song clip. Today, when I listened to that song, it reminded me of the torture you and I went through for that brief 2 weeks. Yes, it felt like years at that time, but now I can see it was a brief 14 days. I remember the day you returned, and my whole world became colorful again. I remember hugging you so tight not wanting to let you go. And I remember you cried. You just couldn't wait to get back home, to show me all the things you bought for me. And all the pictures you took.

And now, you're gone again. But this time, you have decided not to keep me updated on your trip. And I don't even know where you are now. You never told when you will be back. There is no way I could see your face again. Cancer may have killed you. 

Loneliness is killing me.

And the search ended

In 2004, when I bought Buster I announced it to the whole world through this blog. At that time, I was determined to get a new car by the time I'm done with the loan service. My target was 7 years. It got delayed by 1 year for obvious reasons...

I did not test drive Buster and neither did I know how much I would be spending for its maintenance and fuel. I sat down in the show unit model and felt, ok, I fit. I wanted blue and everyone else told me to get silver. I wanted my own number, and everyone else told me I don't need one. So, I paid my booking fee, placed the down payment and took Buster back home.

It served me well for eight years. And still does... :)

What I really wanted in a car was the joy of driving it. I spend a lot of time travelling and all unnecessary gadgets or accessories becomes secondary. What I wanted was a car that is a sheer pleasure to drive. Sure enough cars these days comes with attractive gadgets that may give it some edge from one model to another. When I bought Buster, it came with ionizer and a built in cable to charge the then-popular Nokia monochrome phones. Within a year, I realized I have no use for it - but it was indeed an attractive accessory to have as there are cars without it. It was something that I don't need, but paid to have it included.

And that taught me a lesson - why pay for something that you don't need? So when I started looking for a car recently, I kept this in my mind. Get a car that will make you happy every time you touch it. And I found that happiness in my Buster 2.0! :)

After almost a month of waiting, my second car arrived two weeks ago - from Japan.

This time, I got the car that I wanted to buy ever since I was a kid. I would consider this as fulfilling my childhood dream and ambition. Got the car I wanted, the color I wanted and even the number I wanted. Each time I step into my Buster 2.0, I feel a jolt of happiness that runs through my spine and strikes right across my heart and soul. That's how it feels when I sit behind the wheels. :)

Top 5 Applications on my Android

I have a total of four (yes, four) Android devices out of which three are in constant daily use. 

I have two mobile Androids running Gingerbread and Ice Cream, and one tablet running Ice Cream. One more mobile runs Froyo. So here's a list of top 5 application that is a must in all my devices (and these are FREE!).

Feedly

This is my favorite application of all. A news reader with a simple interface and so easy to use. The best part is, it integrates nicely with my Google Reader account. On my tablet, this applications turns my news feed into a magazine-like browsing experience. Highly recommended if you have plenty of reading materials that you follow online.

Million Moments

I had to admit Android's version of Gallery, although not the worse, but isn't the best either. And that is why I love Million Moments - it's yet another application for photos but with ease of use and has a wonderful layout! I just need to create some labels (for example, "food") and every time I take a picture of food (more often I do), I just have to tag the picture with the labels. What the application does, it turns the labels into wonderful "photobook" like gallery.

Any.DO
Having too many things to track is no longer a hassle with Any.DO for me. I add list of things I have to do in this simple little app and it keeps track everything for me, and reminds me when I do forget. I can strike out things I've completely and a shake clears everything done from the screen! The interface is simple, easy and clean. New version includes sync-ing with your Google Tasks. My favorite feature is the phone reminder (keeps track of missed calls and reminds me when I have to return a call).

Dolphin Browser HD
Chrome is one of my favorite software on my PC, but on my Androids Dolphin takes the reign being the best browser for awesome functionality and ease of use (easy for me that is, but it could still be intimidating for those who even think IE is daunting). It's just a browser, but there are so very little browsers out there that works properly on Android platform, so this one takes home my vote for being the best one (crashes less).

StumbleUpon
Given an option, I would want this application to be my #1 favorite app in Google Play. Unfortunately, this is also the most unstable application out there, but then again, I can't live without it. StumbleUpon is something that was discovered by Sathyan on its early days and he always shares a lot of interesting "stumbles" that he stumbles upon. It's one of the apps that I'd recommend to people who messages me, "I'm bored". So, if you're always boring bored and had to do something with your hands in a good way, have this installed, choose your interests and have fun exploring what's out there in the world wide web! :)

So there you have it, now you know what Leena uses on her mobile devices all the time. It is interesting to note that there are people who are keen to find out what application I have installed on my Androids. Of course these are not the only ones I have. Probably when I have more time at hand, I'll try to come up with Top 5 Android games installed on my Androids.