Why Birthdays are just hype

Even when I was small, birthdays are often the only day people around me try to be nice to me. Which eventually made me repent the day like a lifetime vegetarian seeing meat for the first time.

It felt unreal. Why is that only on your birthday people make the effort to greet you,  wish you, and be attentive to your needs - if at all people remembers it? Why that one day of the year?

That's probably why I never liked celebrating my birthday. At some point I did like - to be honest. But it became pointless after a certain event in my life. Nevertheless, the day for me has always been nothing special. Just that people who remembers the day will attempt to make it special so that you'll feel it is special day. Most of the time they don't even remember which date it was. 28th? 30th? Wait I'm sure it's 28th! Oh yes, I think so too... If that makes you happy.

So what special thing they do?

Oh well,  people will try to be nice. You might get a gift or two which they happened to buy just an hour before giving it to you, just out of desperation to make your day special. If you're lucky they'll wrap it so that you have the joy of unwrapping something that you don't need. Then what? Let's do something special. Like what? Movie. Yes, people still do think watching movie is special. Grab a coffee while you're at it. Oh why not coke? Yeah, why not, it's cheaper anyway.

My question is why wait for birthday to do something as "special" as watching a movie or drinking coffee? What's wrong doing it on an ordinary non-birthday day? You know why?

Because that would leave birthdays as an ordinary day. :)

That is why I have love-hate relationship with my birthday. The unreal feeling that someone remembers the day you were born thru Facebook birthday reminders and attempts not to hurt you or your feelings on your "special" day. Or at least momentarily forgets your disagreements for 24 hours. The saga shall resume a day after your special day. No hurries. Enjoy your special day.

The Birth Story - Part 3

As the pain got worse, I clenched on the sides of the bed each time the contraction comes in. Anand then stepped in to sort things out.

He somehow persuaded me to use gas which is basically some sort of option that makes you believe that you're not in labor pain even though you really are. It's a good hallucinating experience. But the gas did not make my pain go away. My mind was just too strong to be tricked. 

Epidural was the last option available. I resisted. Anand insisted. I finally gave in when he told me, taking epidural doesn't make me any less of a mother and not taking one doesn't make me a superior mother. We got the anaesthetics in immediately, and along with intense contraction pain, I persevered the electrifying epidural procedure. 

But, boy was I RELIEVED! As I started experiencing numbness in my lower body, I slowly started to relax. The contraction was there, but the pain isn't. I felt so, so relaxed and glad that I took the epidural option. I managed to catch some nap, because I was relaxed, I dilated even quicker. 

Around 7.30pm, my gynae came announced I'm finally ready to greet my baby. I was dilated enough to go for normal delivery. The midwives and doctor started preparing me for the delivery. 

Anand was very excited and got his camera ready. The doctor joked to him that it is still long way to go and it will take hours before the baby comes out. He responded that he didn't mind waiting but wanted to be "ready".

It did not take hours.

Well it seemed like hours for me. But really, it was just 20 minutes or so.

Baby ma was out before Anand could even get the camera settings right! She came out squirming, and looked really beautiful to me. I carried her for a while before she was whisked away for the usual tests. Anand followed baby ma, while the doctor gets the rest of things done.

She weighed 3.71kg. Around 50cm long. Tall baby, eh? Of course! :P

But something was not right. That's how I decoded when the nurse came in to inform the doctor they have to bring Baby Ma to NICU. I wanted to follow her, but my legs were still numb. I can't walk yet and I had to be bedridden. Anand did all the running around.

He came back and told me everything was ok. But I knew something was just not right.

Nothing but the best

The fact I didn't have the time to post any new blog updates is enough to show I have plenty of drama and action going on in my life. Where to begin..

My project at work that I have been working on for more than a year now is almost near completion. Yes, that means I am busy with the project rollout. I am particularly proud of this project because it has given me the exposure and experience that I never imagine getting. I feel proud to be part of the core team member to produce an in-house built CRM application for an international bank. 

The new software system will be rollout to all branches in Malaysia this coming week. And I have been as busy as bee getting the managers from every branch trained. I'm their new best friend :)

Moving on, being mother myself made me realise a lot of things. I know people who often complain their parents did not do enough for them when they were younger so they wanted to give their own kids what they never had. True, we often want to give our kids what our parents didn't give us. But what we didn't realise was, our parents actually gave us things that their parents didn't give them. Makes sense?

And along the struggle to give the children what we never had, we work hard to ensure what they are getting is the best. As parents, that's what we do. Our children to have the best of clothes, toys, feeding bottles, and the list goes on. I am definitely one of them. But, the best comes with a price. And instead of giving the best to kids, we most often give the best that we know and we could afford. Going by the same principle, I'm sure our parents have done the same.

Why I am suddenly talking about this? I finally realised my parents has done the best for me at their best capacity. I used to wonder why I didn't get the same funky toy as the girl at the kindergarten did. Or why am I walking to school. Why I have to exhaust my school bag to the point of tearing apart before getting new one. Why I had to use a huge cardboard box as my study table for many years before finally getting a proper one at 13. Why I had to settle for things that is not brand new. 

Why? Because my parents acted on their best capacity based on their best knowledge of my needs. I have to trust they have given me the best. In fact they did and I'm happy they didn't choose to abandon me somewhere but instead decided to raise me with all they had. I'm glad I grew up healthy, with proper food and clothings and most importantly, I was given education - something that some parents at that time deemed unnecessary. 

I do a lot of research before getting something for my daughter. Like every other parent out there, I want her to have the best too. But the best is limited to what I can afford. Her clothes, her toys even her play mat is carefully chosen. As a baby, her very survival is dependent on me. This made me appreciate my parents even more. How they took on the responsibility to care for not one but three kids. It's just amazing. Of course I do feel at times the care and love given is lopsided which I aim not to repeat with my own children but the fact they fulfilled my basic necessities and aided my growth all these years is commendable. 

But there will always be people out there who will complain that their parents did not do enough for them and they had to work their way up. I find it amusing. Unless the person is orphaned or grew up at a welfare home (or even alone), there's no such thing your parents did not do anything. No one in this world had a perfect childhood and one can never have enough of everything. Likewise, no one can give everything for their kids despite the intention to do so. Our parents was in the same boat as well. And they didn't have Google at that time, yet they did their best to find out what's best for us.

The Birth Story - Part I

Phew!

I can't believe it's going to be almost 2 months post delivery! It was so full of ups and downs for sure.

My birth experience was something that is worth documenting, for I want to remember it some time in future. :)

My due date was on Christmas last year. The doctor however did not want to wait that long though. So she was planning to induce me 2 weeks earlier before Christmas if I don't go into labour naturally. My deadline was 12th December which was supposedly my last check up date before the doctor decides to induce my labour on 16th December.

I have already planned to work from home from 10th December onwards which will give me some time to prepare myself mentally to go through the labour. However, from early December on, the few steps I take from my bed to the bathroom was already too much to bear for me. What more to get ready for work? 

I decided to make use of the medical leave and worked from home. I took it easy and spent most of my time taking short naps. Sleeping was a chore on its own! Despite the heaviness that was draining my energy day in and out, I spent 4 hours walking in the Big Bad Wolf sale. The sale started on 6th but I only went there on 9th, and that too at night. The following day, I was too tired for anything else after spending hours looking at books. So, I continued to work from home and by afternoon I badly needed a sleep. I woke up couple of hours later in the evening with some contraction pain, which was irregular.

I knew from my antenatal classes that irregular contractions are often false labour, which I have been having on and off some days of the week. I ignored the pain and took a warm shower. Made myself a cup of coffee and sat down in front of the TV.

As the hours passed, the contractions became more and more apparent. I used an Android application, Contraction Timer, to time the contractions. I told Anand about the pain taking a regular pattern. He insisted to get to the hospital right way. But I still felt it was false labour and that I can wait. It was the night of 10th December. My follow up check up is not until 12th. I was trying to decide whether I should wait or head to the hospital. 

The moment I started getting stabbing pain under my belly, I knew it was time to get the hospital and have it checked. Anand and I took a quick shower, got our bags and headed to Hospital Pantai KL.