Here comes the bump

It wasn't particularly a good today at work.

Being on-call for one of the top IT companies in the world, handling heavy-duty applications and being responsible for it is not breezy. It is one aspect of my job that I love. Everyday, it is challenging. But days like today brought me down instantly. Even my manager knew I wasn't up to my usual beat. 

I got escalated for a silly reason by a man known for his unreasonable demands. It is something I am accustomed to, but I feel the whole drama is unfair. He was merely flexing his muscles for having a Senior Manager position. I was the victim. 

However, I do not understand why I wasn't being confronted directly? He did not even make the attempt to approach me and seek my explanation. Instead, he used the top-down approach which definitely ticked me off. 

As I packed my bags to leave on time today, my director approached me to find out whether everything is ok with me. I just smiled and walked away. There is nothing for me to explain. It stirs more anger in me when I think about it.

I thought they were gone

When my husband passed away a year back, I finally learned why some people say "you can only cry so much".

Because, I cried and cried and cried. I slept next to the coffin hoping he would knock the glass panel and scream to get out. Every time I popped my head to look at him, I'd cry again. It would hit me like waves. My whole body shivered. I felt weak. 

At a point when I thought I have already lost everything, one more thing went missing. My tears. I couldn't cry anymore. Tears stopped producing. I was still grieving, sad and immensely depressed. Yet, the tears refused to trickle. I stopped crying. Because, I couldn't anymore.

And I thought that was the end of my tears.

But today I learned that wasn't the case. I experienced something that made my tears appear again. So I guess I have to be grateful that I can still cry. :)

Being Grateful

I have so much of things to be grateful for. Every person's journey is different and I don't think I am in a position to write whether I went through the worst or the better - compared to the rest I know. Somehow, I am sure there are people with different problems to deal with. No one's problem is small or big - our paths are different - that's all.

I have decided to start something new with my blog. I would create a label called "grateful" and the whole idea is to label posts that talks about things I am grateful about. It can be something really small - yet I am thankful.

The idea hit me today while I was driving back home (as usual great things come to me when I'm trying to not to speed). It was raining very heavily today and the clouds were dark - it was 4.30pm but was almost as dark as 7.30pm. The visibility on the highway was reduced to a mere 100-150 meters and most cars were going slowly - around 80-90km/h. 

I was very careful but I would say it was needless. Why? Because my car was that stable! Honestly, it was totally a different experience for me. A short flashback hit me then. I recalled the time when I had to endure massive downpours on highways, being splashed by heavy trucks passing by on the opposite or side lane, and keep both my hands locked on my steering wheel to avoid the car from skidding. Imagine how fragile the car was!

Today, despite the heavy downpour and low visibility, I was able to travel at a reasonable speed and the only difference I felt compared to driving during non-rainy days was the swiping wiper - which did its job quietly by the way. 

And that's about it. 

I am very grateful for being able to own a good, safe car. In spite of some remarks some may have thrown unto me for getting a new car, I'm glad I have moved past the fear and invested in something that will keep me alive while I'm on the road. I am extremely grateful :)

Purple and White

All I needed to make my day today. Very, very beautiful flowers and very thoughtful indeed. I have been feeling under the weather this past few days and a bunch of fresh flowers brightened up my day

The Missing piece

There is always some form of incompleteness in my life these days. I know a very important piece is missing. I also know what it is.

The only thing that is making me sad right now is the fact that I could do nothing about it. Right now, at least. 

Probably I should start keeping fish again. They used to keep me company.

And never complained.

Things that I don't understand

Lingerie party at Hard Rock Penang by models from Amber Chia Academy to raise awareness on breast cancer?(!)

The same community that thinks talking anything about the departed or ghostly creatures as bad luck, welcomes Halloween party?(!)

To be continued...