Being blank

It finally comes down to this. I don't know whether it's the hormones or it's really me just going through a phase of my life. I'm probably just tired.

Past few days I feel very exhausted. Mentally and physically. I often sit and stare at the sky or even empty walls with nothing, literally, in my mind. I just feel blank and lost. Too much of things? Stressed? Worried?

I just don't know what to pin point. But sleep has been of help although I'm not getting much of it these days thanks to my growing belly and the heavy baby.

Even now I'm supposed to be working. I have so many things to complete before my break starts. And yet here I am, at the café blogging about my troubled mind. I thought ice cream would help but the money I spent buying one just now went down the drain because it certainly didn't help.

Everyday this few days I've been looking forward to finish work, get back home shower and sleep. Even dinner is not something I want. I eat just for the sake of the baby.

I certainly don't know what is causing this but I'm hoping it'll just pass... like how everything else did.

The first step for a long journey

Some things that I don't understand is the marketing of a product. I have been on the hunt for breast pumps from the day I completed my first trimester. There are MANY breast pumps out there in the wild and stripping down the options to a handful few was not easy. 

First of all, I wasn't even sure whether the milk would come. And if it did, for how long would it last? One year? Six months? I don't know. So given the multitude of options that comes in variables features and prices, I was just - lost.

I started out by researching understanding the mechanism of the process itself. Why pumps in breastfeeding? Then as I understood further, I started taking note on what I needed and wanted. Once that was finalized, it went on to which brand?

I researched for what is the best on the market. And obviously, the best came with heavy price tag. Which led me to another dilemma - find more alternatives and options. I finally came down to my earlier choice which was Medela breast pumps and listed Ameda as well as Spectra breastpumps as alternatives - just because they are cheaper than Medela.

After months of research, discussion and more research I finally settled for Medela. Then came another dilemma - which model? I was initially interested in Freestyle - for its handsfree option that came with it. That's what the name is all about! Freestyle = handsfree! Right? Wrong! 

Apparently, the Medela manufacturers decided to stop providing handsfree kit with the Medela Freestyle set. Why? Beats me to pieces to figure out why they did that. Then what is Freestyle all about? Swimming with breastpumps and the pumps are waterproof? That is why I said, I don't understand the marketing of a product. Freestyle became popular because of its handsfree and removing it from the set is just pure madness.

So I looked at the Freestyle alternative from Medela - the Swing Maxi. Works just as good as Freestyle, has the same features and 50% cheaper than Freestyle. I really don't understand why Medela wants to confuse consumers. Just Google around and you'll see heaps of forum discussion on Freestyle vs Swing Maxi. The best part is, most shops that I step into don't even know what's the difference between these 2 models!

Couple more weeks and I need to make the decision. So yesterday, Anand put a full stop for all my dilemma. We took a tour to the maternity expo in Midvalley Megamall. After almost an hour of negotiation, this is what he got for me to support my journey in breastfeeding.

The Medela Freestyle breast pump, and comes with free disposable breast pads, purelan nipple cream, Medela's Calma teat and the HANDSFREE kit for free!

With some additional buck (purchase with purchase option) he got the Medela B-well baby milk and food warmer. I initially didn't think I would need one of this. But then, since the price was at 75% off Anand justified it's a bargain that will make my life easier.

It didn't stop there, the next buy was the Medela B-well Steam Steriliser. Again, it was something that I didn't want to spend money on as I thought I could put up with the hassle of disinfecting the milk bottles and breast pump parts manually. Anand didn't like the idea of wasting my time doing something that can be done using an already available device. The steriliser comes with free four Medela 5oz milk bottles as well! So, with the 4 bottles from Freestyle set and another 4 from the Steriliser set, I have storage for 40oz of breast milk. At least enough for the next few months.

In addition to all this, he also got for me the My Best Friend nursing pillow. Something that will help ease the strain on my arms while breastfeeding :)

Long post huh? It actually took longer for me to actually decide whether I needed all this. I sure do hope these goodies from Anand will help me stride through my motherhood journey. :)) I am definitely grateful.

The last lap

Few more weeks left!

One of my colleagues asked me two days back, how I am feeling now that my delivery date is getting near. Am I feeling nervous? Stressed?

This got me thinking. I wasn't really worried about this whole experience of being a parent. It was more like is everything there for my baby? Is the world ready to see my baby? :)

I would definitely attribute my calmness and preparedness to Anand - the backbone of my journey. He has been there from the start and now we're taking the final lap together to put things together to welcome our baby. 

Two weekends ago we went to SOGO to purchase some basic baby clothes. It was really tempting to get all the nice clothes but then, we didn't. We felt basic baby clothes were enough, along with some cloth napkins. Anand got for me a homecoming blouse while we were there. Hehe... 

The following weekend we went to IKEA. There we decided to get more of the basic items we needed for the baby's arrival. The challenge was getting something that does not limit to only baby's use. So, after a lot of thinking and deciding, also while keeping to a tight budget, we managed to get everything else that we needed. This was the tiring part.

But it was worth it. Seeing our little one's face, sucking fingers in a 4D scan. Sharing the little one's face with our parents. Seeing my tummy move up and down with every kick and stretch.

Few more weeks and then the waiting game starts :)

The bangles

When  you're with the right people, and surrounded by those who really want you to be happy, even the simplest ceremony can be eventful. :)

The bangles ceremony is an Indian version of baby shower. It is usually done during the 7th month of first pregnancy. Why only first pregnancy? I don't know and no one seems to know the answer either :P

The main highlight of the ceremony are the colorful glass bangles adorning the mother-to-be arms. My bangles ceremony was held on the first Sunday of October at my in-laws home. About hundred of close relatives and friends turned up for the event. The preparation, however, started months back! For the first time, I actually enjoyed preparing for something. Since the ceremony was being held at my in-laws side, host of relatives, neighbors, and friends got together to help my husband and myself to prepare for the ceremony. Most of the time, the husband hardly plays any role in this ceremony as it was considered exclusively for "women only". But then, my husband was the main mastermind behind all the work.

He prepared the house and decorated the living room very nicely for the ceremony. Weeks before the ceremony, we made plans for the food catering and gifts for the guests. We decided to forgo the usual "nallungu set" and bought 24cm stainless steel plates instead. The plates was the base for the gift set which consisted the yellow thread, some glass bangles, packed laddu, and a coin pouch which was handpainted. Each coin purse had some sweets in it and was tagged with our thank you note. 

It was a joyous event for me. I felt happy seeing my family, friends and relatives coming together to put the event in place. My husband also got for me and the baby a gift which was very thoughtful :) By the end of night, my arms were filled with colorful glass bangles! A friend baked a really delicious red velvet cake for me to celebrate. 

We ended the ceremony with the cake cutting and feeding ceremony.  :))