I really don't know where to start. At times, I think I'm just better off at some point of my life. But sometimes, I'm not. Rant warning ahead.
Loneliness crept in quietly. I miss every single part of myself. The times I spent reading books. The times I spent buying things for myself. The times I spent caring for myself.
It hurts being lonely when you know there are people around you. And you must understand being lonely is not the same as wanting to be alone. Sometimes, all of us need a breather - we want to do things at our own pace. It keeps us connected to ourselves. But most of the time, we just want companion.
It is very tiring - the routine after my confinement is just tiring. Weekends are tiring. Weekdays are equally exhaustive. I do enjoy being a mother to my little darling - she is such an angel and at the end of the day, she's the one thing that makes me wanting to go on. Giving me that one purpose in life to persevere and keep moving forward. Knowing that she wants my companion more than anything else without even having to tell me, speaks volumes about love.
Wanting to be constantly held and touched just goes on to show that human beings' love needs are just simple - a hug, a smile, a peck on the cheek.
My baby gets cranky when she doesn't feel the love. But then she's a baby - she has all the right to be so. But are adults given such allowances? No, I don't think so. And we go on living thinking things will get fixed on its own. Well, they don't.
I'm at times lost. I have to work very hard every day. Nothing I have now came easy. To be where I am now, I had worked hard day and night. And, I've made many sacrifices for the ones I love. There are only two types of people that I know now in my life. The one that knows I've made sacrifices and tries to make my life better. And the other one who doesn't.
One thing that I'm really not a big fan of is being taken for granted. We have another day to say sorry. We have another day to say they matter. We can take a day off someday to show we care. We have forever to show love to one another. We have more important problems to face than saying nice things.
I've gone through a point in my life that taught me every day is a blessing - a gift - another opportunity to do something for the ones you care. Every morning when I got up, I thanked God for giving me another to live. Life is just too precious - you'll never know when the countdown to death begins. I have been through that stage. It was scary - every minute of it. Living with no future is scary. But living worrying about future? It is even scarier.
No one said life is smooth. Human life is very dynamic. Today we're here - we can find thousand and one fault in others. Tomorrow, that person may no longer be there.
