Few things crossed my mind today.
At a certain point of time I had (almost) everything, and I was very grateful. I would tell Sathyan all the time, despite being able to afford many things, we chose to live within an average means - just being grateful we have proper clothes, nice food, a great roof above our heads and most importantly, we had each other.
And then it came a time that we had to let go many of the "luxuries" we had. At that very moment, we realized our love for each other conquered all. It wasn't really the cars we had, or the comfy home we stayed or the nice places we chose to have our dinners. It was the feeling that we still had each other to hold on to despite the hardships that we faced. It gave me so much of strength.
One of Sathyan's wishes was to get a good car for me. Within the short period of 5 months that he was alive after the hospital discharge, he took every effort there was to find a decent, safe car for me. He simply feels my Buster will not be able to keep me safe for long. He finally did get one, but he passed away before the car even got to me - which made me decide there is no point of getting the car when he is no more. But the fact he went all out to ensure I get the best despite still struggling with cancer, was indeed admirable.
The first time I wanted to buy a car, I had zero support from those around me. The second time round, I had one but that too ended tragically. The struggle now continues with me. The good thing is, I am not biased when it comes to cars. The not-so-good thing is, I know nothing about cars. :) So there you go, my struggle has begun...
Going through the heaps of choices we have in Malaysia, I am just devastated. Buying a car is a whole lot worse than deciding to get married - it's that hard to decide. I am just glad I did manage to test drive few cars while Sathyan was alive (and rocking :)).
Suddenly it hit me - I have been wanting something that is good enough which would make Sathyan be really proud of me. But that something is so difficult to find. As I kept scrounging for more information, I get more and more confused. As I read more and more reviews or comments online, I realized one thing - how petty Malaysians are. And how I am turning into one.
It's a car - for God's sake. What should matter is comfort and safety - my Buster had neither but I have been happy with it for the past 8 years. So happy that I have decided not to sell it at all. It just reminds me the grateful feeling I once had - happy with what I have and not ask for more. There are people out there who can't even afford to take a bus!
If there is one thing that I learned from my experience is being thrifty. Buying a car is no investment and yet the amount of money spent to have one is just ridiculous. Simply absurd - that I feel buying my third home would give me a much better return for my money than a car. Sigh...
I am just lost. :(
